okay pat passed out under dana's car
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
