"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Randomize
