One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
