Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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