Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
