so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
