Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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