If i come over, it means nothing
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I've blown a few things in my day
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
