happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
