I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
