So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
