I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
is wine microwaveable?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
