When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
