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Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
