I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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