You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
