look no pants
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
