I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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