I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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