Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
