so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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