I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
