it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
