I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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