So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
