omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
