I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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