he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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