I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
