Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
