I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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