there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
