Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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