Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
