yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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