I'm pants shitting drunk right now
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
