Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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