just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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