We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
