I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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