For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Someone came in the potted fern
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
