The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
