is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
