even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
