Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
