its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
