hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
