How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
