He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
