Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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