I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I understand Curling. That high.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
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