You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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