my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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