I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
