we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
