A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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